Why it's sometimes best not to share all of our intuitive journey or experiences—Even with our partners
Recently, during a group mentoring session, one of my Intuitive Training students shared a discouraging experience she had with her partner. When she enthusiastically shared her newfound intuitive knowledge and skills, she was met with argument, distrust, and annoyance. She asked me if I had any advice, and here are my thoughts.
It’s Understandable They Don’t Understand
Living intuitively and listening to your intuition is an alternative way of approaching life. Most of us can't provide a five-year plan when following an intuitive path, as we take one step at a time, allowing it to unfold and following the hits. Simply following 'a feeling' can seem unnerving to many. We are typically educated to rely on logic and make logical decisions or plans.
When we first start letting our intuition lead, it's like nurturing a tiny flame. This flame is fragile and can easily be extinguished by negative comments or doubt. It can feel tentative listening to the subtle messages, and it can be scary to take a leap of faith, often questioning ourselves. Trust and self-confidence are required to do things differently, and these qualities grow with practice and successes.
What we don't need is someone extinguishing that flame with negative questioning, projected fears, and doubt—no matter how legitimate they may seem—when you share your intuitive plans or directions. Learning to live intuitively is currently the exception, not the norm.
Be Discerning
I suggest being discerning about who you share your insights and experiences with to protect yourself, especially if you're in the early stages of your journey. Even now, I carefully consider who I share details with and to what extent—even though I’m an ‘out there in the world’ intuitive. I strive to connect, be honest, and open, but I also need to be realistic.
For instance, during a Focusmate call the other day, a chap asked me what I did. When I mentioned soul mission work, he cynically remarked, “Wow, that sounds like a money spinner!” My sensitive heart immediately felt burned, and I knew not to say more.
I heard a voice inside say, "He is a cynic; let it go; it doesn’t matter." So, I distanced myself emotionally and changed the conversation. He’s entitled to his opinion, but I know my work comes from an honest place, and I'm entitled to look after myself. I'm not interested in justifying myself or seeking his validation. (It turns out he is struggling in his business, so it was likely a projection of his own problems.)
There's no need for us to share everything with everyone—whether friends, family, colleagues, or even that mum at the school gate. I’m not saying to never take risks because sharing who we are is important. Apparently, 50% of the population believes in angels, so in my mind, I have a 50-50 chance that a stranger at the bus stop might connect with what I'm saying.
When I talk to someone about my intuitive healing work, I quickly gauge if we have a common thread for conversation. People either lean in with curiosity and ask more questions, or they look away and change the subject. This helps me know. However, I've been pleasantly surprised by the people who show interest or have spiritual lives they are grateful to discuss. You'll have to judge for yourself and experiment.
Robustness
Check in with yourself before you share. Some days, you may feel more vulnerable, quiet, and gentle for various reasons. On those days, you might not feel robust enough to handle challenges, dismissive looks, or disinterest when someone changes the subject on you.
For example, once I felt robust and joyful, so I took the risk and told my sister-in-law about my excitement for my new course on Training Your Intuition when she asked what I was up to. However, she immediately looked away, changed the subject, and started talking to my husband. She isn't interested and doesn’t care for the subject. So I know not to bother discussing it with her—just a generic ‘business is going well, thanks,’ and moving the conversation on is enough. Luckily, I felt robust at that time, shook it off, and learned what not to share in the future. As a general rule, my in-laws don't hear details about my work as they are very traditional. We talk about other things instead.
On tender days, I leave out the details, calling myself a 'therapist' and talking about well-being, or I divert the conversation. I measure my mood to look after myself, and I also assess the person and their mood—deciding whether to share more or not. I make a judgement call and check in with how robust I feel. Sometimes, I get it right; other times, I misjudge and walk away feeling a bit burnt.
We don't have to be the poster girl for intuitive experiences or intuition. We also don't need to share our most tender sides with everyone we meet. We're allowed to measure, moment by moment, how much we choose to share. I write about intuition online and discuss it in videos, so I am more public. However, I choose to check the comments only when I feel strong enough to handle negative or challenging feedback.
Importance of Timing
Timing is crucial when it comes to sharing intuitive experiences. When a new intuitive skill is emerging, or you have an intuitive sense of the future or a future project, it can feel precious—like a tender flame just coming to light. These are the moments when it might be best not to share it yet. Take the time to nurture the flame, allowing it to ignite and grow, becoming more resilient as a skill or idea.
I've lost count of the times I’ve felt a tender intuitive flame being stamped out or doused with water because I shared it with my husband too soon! My sensitive, loving, and understanding husband can sometimes be pessimistic (or realistic, as he sees it!), which blindsides me and leaves me crestfallen. I'm still learning not to make this mistake myself.
I don't share everything immediately with my closest friends and greatest spiritual allies either. The flame of that intuitive hit needs to be fed and strengthened to withstand the winds of questioning opinions, even from understanding loved ones. Timing is important with what and when we share, as sharing too soon might, in some cases, set us back years. I've seen it happen and heard the stories. Some intuitive hunches are best kept secret if they feel precious, until we feel truly confident enough to share.
The Problem with Partners
When listening to our intuitive hunches and following them while in a relationship, we might be asking our partner to support us—perhaps even financially—without any real evidence of future success or a five-year plan. It’s a lot to ask, as it significantly affects them.
I can share my dreams and visions with friends, and they’re enthusiastic and supportive. However, they are not directly affected by the outcome, nor do they have to bail me out before I make it big or worry about depleting savings as I start a new business venture.
For our partners to learn to trust our intuition, it often requires evidence and success. I recall when my daughter was turning two years old, and after using our savings for those years so I could stay at home, I 'felt' ready to return to work. However, my hunch was that I needed to leave my shiatsu business and clients to start something new.
My husband responded with, "What?! Are you nuts? You have a client base already. Why start anew? Go get a job at Tesco! We need the money." This was a fair response, as we were under significant financial pressure at the time. I pleaded with him to trust me. I didn’t have all the answers, but I had a really good feeling that this was the right direction to take. Luckily for me, he went along with the plan.
By the end of the first year, I was running my EFT business and earning twice as much as before. I had flexibility, I was doing meaningful work that made me happy, I was earning the money my husband had requested, working part-time, and the business was still growing. It was better for me and, importantly, for our family.
He took a leap of faith with me, and ever since then, his confidence in my intuitive hunches and process has continued to grow. It's still challenging for him to get on board with my big visions, but now when I mention new ideas or hunches for the business, he says, "Ask your guides; you seem to know what you're doing." This feels like a little miracle considering where we started. It's because he has watched the business continue to grow with this approach. He trusts me. With time and evidence, your partner might come to trust you too.
Romantic Ideals
It's important to remember that many of us are drawn into relationships that balance us in some way or stretch us, even when we feel deeply at home with our partner. There is a natural attraction of opposites, which can cause tension in situations like this that you need to navigate.
For example, my husband tells me he's drawn to my spontaneity and openness to experience. However, he struggles with the more extreme edges of this—like risk-taking and pushing for new experiences—as he doesn’t like change and prefers routine! Similarly, his groundedness supports and settles me so I don’t take off like a rocket (though when I want an office cabin built in the garden and he resists for years, I can feel restricted). However I don’t expect him to be on board with all my ‘magical thinking’ as that’s an uncomfortable edge for him, so I keep some of that to myself.
Society's obsession with the romantic ideal suggests our partner should serve all our needs, but that's rubbish. Aim for a healthy, balanced, and loving relationship, but don’t expect your partner to support every interest or mad scheme. If you share enough common interests and values in other areas, you can still be a team.
My husband actively bucks at new obsessions I try to share with him! A new therapy or health tool, for example. He doesn’t like me telling him what to do, strangely enough! Yet, very quietly over the years, he has started trying to listen to what his body needs and not just what his head ‘tells’ him to do. He occasionally asks me questions about intuition and what it’s like, as he goes on his own journey with it in his way (to which I play it VERY cool and casual while being incredibly excited!). He is interested, just in a subtle, sideways-glancing kind of way.
Sometimes we are teaching our partners lessons and helping them rebalance just by being ourselves. I know he does this for me. We don’t need to be on the same page with everything—just enough. He loves me because, in his words, I’m ‘mysterious and mystical,’ which is different from him. And I love him as he is authentic and grounded, keeping me earthed and frankly sane. We all want and need different things in a relationship. So if your partner isn’t 100% on board with your intuitive journey, maybe keep this in mind and check the balances.
What to Focus On
So, what do we do instead? Well, just get on with it! That's what I’ve done for years. I took intuitive leaps—leaving a career, leaving relationships, moving cities, taking training—all because it ‘felt’ like what I needed to do next. The next leap into the dark. Much to the shock of family and friends.
I’m definitely not the only one. Spandex creator Sarah Blakely didn’t tell her family what she was hard at work on every weekend for a year after the intuitive hit for the business landed, because she didn’t want their pessimism or questioning to put out her intuitive flame. She took the time to nurture it until she felt confident to share her business plan and answer their questions. All they knew was they didn’t see her, and she was always busy!
Just listen to the intuitive message, follow it, or get on and do it—no one might need to know at this stage.
If you’re someone who struggles with self-confidence or wants support, you can pull in mentors, coaches, and healers to help. Quietly focus on yourself, focus on your development. You might take training that supports your intuitive development or become part of a supportive community of like-minded people to help you expand—I know I did all of these! Reassurance as we build new intuitive habits can be a blessing.
Whatever you choose, just keep fanning that little intuitive flame…
Further reading
https://nicoledrummond.com/writing/six-reasons-why-your-intuition-is-your-most-valuable-life-tool
https://nicoledrummond.com/writing/what-does-it-mean-to-live-in-intuitive-flow
https://nicoledrummond.com/writing/why-society-needs-us-to-live-intuitively
Nicole Drummond, Intuitive Coach and Healing Channel. Offering one-to-one sessions for Soulful Solopreneurs, Intuitive Development Training and mentoring Courses for Souls with a Mission as well as free workshops and free resources. Watch more Youtube channel To stay in touch join my e-letter to receive my blog and personal reflections to your inbox.
