Why you’re absorbing other people's emotions and how to stop
As a somewhat strangely sceptical at times, intuitive person, I remember when I used to speak to Empaths who spoke about ‘absorbing other people's emotions’ I used to cringe. The thought that you would absorb someone's emotions didn't quite land with me and if I am honest, sounded a little self conceited at the time. Feel someone’s feelings in your own body, yes 100 percent - but absorb them? I wasn’t sure.
That was until I reached a point on my own healing journey, after what felt like a miraculous clearing of my trauma systems through receiving a blend of EFT, NLP and hypnosis techniques - that I became aware that ‘something’ was trapped inside me, bouncing around, leaving me feeling anxious.
Yet there was no more memorable ‘content’ to work on, I could sense there was more still to clear. That’s when I learnt about Bodycode from a friend who went to sessions to clear entities. It immediately resonated as something I wanted to try. What was one of the first things we started clearing in sessions? You guessed it, I absorbed the emotions from other people which I could feel releasing. So I stood corrected!
So in this article, I want to explain to you what absorbed emotions can feel like in my experience and the approach I've taken to reduce this happening in the future.
Absorbed emotions
So what do absorbed emotions feel like? Well these days for me, I know I am dealing with an absorbed bundle of emotions from someone else if I am unable to see the content when I tune into myself. Normally, for example, if I am feeling sadness and I tune into the area of sadness in my body, then ask myself what is this about? I will see an image relating to the topic, or age and so on it is related too.
For me it felt like a squiggly ball of discomfort in my chest - emotions that were walled off from me and I couldn’t access, because they weren’t ‘mine’. Imagine a cat in a sack trapped in your chest, it's kicking around, you can feel it moving about, it's uncomfortable, disquieting but you can't see what's inside, it’s hidden from view as it’s not technically ‘mine’. Yet you have a felt awareness of it. I have a similar experience of absorbed emotions when it is in fact, ancestral and handed down. In other people, I can see the issue clearly, but in myself, I cannot, as I am part of the tapestry.
With absolute emotions or inherited ancestral issues personally, I definitely benefit from having external support to clear it. After every session I do with a client, I will clear and cleanse myself, and for the most part, this will do the trick. However, occasionally, if there was something triggering as it has a strong resonance for me that has come up from the depths, then I won't be able to do this solo as it might hold too much fear for me - for example.
So why do we absorb emotions in the first place?
There are a few reasons this can happen. The science of somatic empathy explains how we experience the emotions of others through - emotional contagion, physiological synchronising and brain coupling which as the names suggest lead us to experience the feelings of someone else. It is ‘an ancient proverbial intelligence, a means of understanding others by experiencing what we perceive about them’ Cindy Engel says. As infants with our mothers, this sets us up for self-regulation in later life as adults, this enables connection through empathy and survival through sensing someone's intentions.
Mutual resonance
Therefore, once we are connected in such a profound way, it can become easy to absorb emotions through mutual resonance. One reason is because we were feeling the same feelings as that individual in a moment - usually intensely, so we somewhat magnetically connect and can absorb the energy of their feelings as well. It might be a moment of intense sadness, or anger or disgust, and so on.
Take away pain
Another reason which is common to highly sensitive people is we have a habit of ‘trying to make it better’. We quite literally want to take the pain away of the other person. We can almost find their pain unbearable so unconsciously pull it into us. I have seen this with therapists where their clients were unable to cope with their situation, or were overwhelmed, and therefore unconsciously made an agreement to either hold their emotions for them or parts of their soul. This needs conscious releasing because it's not healthy for either party. As kind as it sounds to be trying to take away someone else's pain it's often born out of our own neglect - trying to make a situation safe for everyone by fixing the problems and stepping into the adult role. Perhaps because you had an emotionally immature caregiver, for example.
The womb
Absorbed emotions can be picked up in the womb. I have had several of these released over the years, and not just from my mother. At this point, we are just awareness and consciousness, so very open. Also, we are deeply connected to our mother at that moment. We are literally living inside of her so are aware of her experience in many ways - even if this is not a conscious memory!
Lack strong boundaries
Another reason that we may absorb emotions easily is because we lack strong boundaries, both practically and energetically. This can be for layers of different reasons - But energetically, it's like sleeping in an open field rather than a house where we can close the windows and doors. Anything can wander in so can easily be absorbed. There is such a thing as being too open energetically as we all need our own sovereignty. If you really struggle with boundaries, you may find that you don't have strong energetic boundaries either currently. I have met clients who literally have no auric boundary.
Ancestral line
You may have absorbed emotions that have been passed down through the ancestral line. If an ancestor, for example, experiences a very strong event, such as war or famine or extreme grief and so on then the energy of this can be so powerful that it is then passed down to the next generation until it's released back through the line. Our ancestors are always very grateful when we're able to do this. We can also inherit ancestral belief systems energetically. If this is an area of interest for you, you might want to google Epigenetics.
Flooding through somatic empathy for Intuitives and HSP’s
One of the reasons I stopped practising Shiatsu was due to the large amount of ‘flooding’ I would experience when working with a client - literally being flooded with the emotional landscape of someone else. I am a sensitive clairsentient. This is why I work on zoom now - as I am more effective and not overwhelmed. When flooding does occur, its more likely that I will absorb the emotions of someone else.
There are likely to be more!...
Benefits of clearing absorbed emotions
One of the benefits of clearing absorbed emotions which you can do with techniques such as bodycode for example (and I'm sure there are more) is that you gain a greater sense of clarity and self awareness over your own experience, body, mind and emotions once more. I know for myself that I found it really confusing becoming aware of emotions that didn't belong to me so I couldn’t process them as they weren’t mine - this felt sticky and uncomfortable.
It can be like carrying around a bag of rocks that don't even belong to you. It's pulling you down emotionally and mentally carrying around this absorbed emotional load. It can be better for your mental and emotional health to just release it. It was SUCH a relief to start to release this for me! It helps along the path of building our sense of positivity and optimism.
Healing Work
So what can we do? Well there is lots we can do to address this!
Clearing triggers and Empathy
Addressing personal triggers and empathic responses is important. We can have unconscious beliefs that mean we are absorbing the emotions of others willingly. There may be something from childhood that we develop to keep our caregivers happy and ourselves safe by tending to their emotional needs, and part of that may have been absorbing their emotions. Find a modality that can help you to work with your beliefs systems energetically such as EFT, theta healing, body code and so on to readdress the balance. We need to become aware of how we are part of the problem.
Get help clearing these emotions
Get help to do the emotionally absorbed clearing, including the ancestral, uninherited levels and beyond. This may include releasing coding that is causing absorbed emotions to occur, any energetic policing to reinforce your natural shielding or ability to ground, as well as releasing any vows, contracts or agreements that you might have as a soul from this life, or other lives.
What can you do
What can you do yourself to prevent yourself from absorbing emotions?
Embodied Self-Awareness
Develop a deeper awareness of the body and its signals (so you are conscious of a moment when you have absorbed emotions) can then be useful in releasing them. We have to get to know ourselves very well on a subtle level to do this, which may take additional training or support. Personally, as an intuitive therapist, these days I know exactly when I have something from a client, if I'm unable to release it myself, I will always seek help.
Somatic empathy approach
Take your attention away from the person you are connecting too - whether in person or mentally at a distance. Drop your eyes, shift your body - to disconnect, perhaps find a reason to move, drop your attention or focus from them back to yourself. Back to the body and the ground - aim to reconnect with your own experience now.
Energetic connection
You can learn to cut energetic cording with people which can cause absorbed emotions, even once you're away from them. Energetically shielding yourself before you see certain people enter situations can be helpful, you'll find via Google there are plenty of ways of learning to do this. Grounding yourself is also important to come back to and stay more firmly within your own experience.
Experiencing absorbed emotions will be something that has happened to us all, but it can particularly affect (I believe more) highly sensitive or intuitive people due to the nature of our sensitivity and awareness of others. However, by recognizing and addressing absorbed emotions, we can clear these energies which supports us. It’s a journey of self-awareness and healing, but it’s one that brings clarity, relief, and empowerment.
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