Navigating the Tension of a 'Divided' Self: Transformation, Conscious and the Higher Self
“The secret to happiness is freedom… And the secret of freedom is courage”
As some of my clients evolve further and embrace living a life that is intuitively led, I have noticed a growing tension in some of them, which I have experienced myself—the tension between the expansion of the higher self and the needs or fears of the conscious self. Therefore, in this blog, I want to explore what that is like, why it happens, and how on earth we can navigate this difference.
Higher Self and Conscious Self
Firstly, what do I mean by these terms? I have channeled the following definitions:
Higher self = Expanded self-awareness in connection with the ‘true’ nature of being and universal awareness. Purified level of awareness. Love, openness, stillness.
Conscious self (also known as the egoic self) = Aspect of being existing in ‘lower’ realms of being, thought, feeling, and frequency. ‘Lower’ level of awareness. Fear, hopelessness, anxiety, and so on.
The two may seem divided, but they are aspects of the whole; one does not live without the other, two sides of the same coin.
‘Roles’ of these aspects of self
The higher self has a high level of awareness of what is to come and what has been. It is this aspect of self that has clear sight and insight. At this level of awareness, you are able to enter into agreements and exit them—spontaneous healing episodes, soul contracts, and so forth.
The conscious self exists on a different level of being, much more of the everyday experience, worries, or concerns of being human, living in a body, and being in this realm. It is more the ‘personality’ self with day-to-day concerns.
Holding the Tension
Self-expansion, by its nature, is very uncomfortable for the conscious self as its sense of fixed identity is being pulled at, and its fears are being triggered. The contraction and resistance are felt as it fears change and the unknown. This is our very ‘humanness’.
However, the nature of living intuitively means listening to the information filtering through from the Higher Self, thus living in trust and tuning into higher potentials. Being receptive to our knowing and living in expanded awareness supports us in stepping into our calling. Therefore, we can begin to encounter an inner tension that can feel challenging.
An example of this is one client who found the higher aspect of herself beginning to create space in her life—physically in her diary, in her home, and mentally making room. As this was happening, she could feel her conscious self feeling fearful and cowering in the corner. Her higher self was leading the way. The shift and transformation felt uncomfortable as it was unknown.
Walking in Two Worlds
It can feel like needing to walk in two worlds, to be able to hold this tension within and without as we change and as our world changes. Transformation for most of us doesn’t mean diving into a sudden pool of divine ‘love and light.’ We can feel in touch with something sacred and beautiful, yet feel this pulling open and discomfort of our messy humanness. We may sense the presence of beautiful beings as we devise our work and then feel heavy, dull, and bored in a traffic jam, dealing with a divorce, or tidying the house. There can be this tension between the two.
With one client, I literally could see it as though it was a wound in the center with light pouring in as they were opening up their true nature, gifts, and sacred feminine within, as well as without. It was changing her energetic structure, yet there was a tension in this: ‘How can I have an everyday conversation with the family and then channel the ‘divine feminine’ on the weekends? How do I hold both?’ This situation can feel challenging. I was still evolving into a new way of being. How do we hold both?
No Personality Transplant Needed
Do we still get to be ‘normal’ if we live in this way? Of course we do. Opening to the wisdom of your higher self and living intuitively doesn’t require a personality transplant. You don’t suddenly need to be talking about crystals all the time or saging everyone’s aura, unless of course this is your jam—then game on! Everyone's version of spiritual alignment and truth will look different and present differently.
For example, a strong aspect of my spiritual essence is an intense and sometimes fiery nature, which I have learned not to fight. The fierce feminine is a large part of my makeup. Figures such as Sekhmet and Vajrayogini are regular visitors. I have learned there is important value in this—the way it presents in my work is through directness and clarity, enabling me to be ‘mirror-like’ in my sessions. I present what is to be worked on and get to the truth with understanding and sensitivity, but it's not fluffy; I want you to have clarity. People who need and want that tend to find me.
There is a power in being authentically you, which helps to empower others to be themselves. We can all still be relatable, be in this world, and also have a ‘mystic life.’ You still get to be human and feel like a mess some days, and you can still love your retail therapy, and so on. Still ‘be you’ in your humanness yet receive information or guidance from subtle realms, having a foot in both worlds.
Most people will have no idea what I do, as we can connect on different levels depending on our shared interests. You can ‘be woo’ and have normal conversations, but it can be important to find our tribes where we can also speak of our visions or insights too.
As Humanity
If you feel you are going through this experience, you are not alone. Humanity is being asked to evolve on a mass scale right now, to enter higher levels of light frequencies and higher levels of consciousness. We are being asked to live in the material realm more greatly as our higher selves, aligned with this vision, trust, understanding, and frequency—rather than the conscious self, which is a shift! So you are more likely to find yourself meeting people going through similar experiences.
Additionally, if you are a Lightbearer, you are being asked to become who you need to be to do the work as a Lightbearer to support this shift. To be the conduit or channel for the project or the work you are to articulate. To open to what's always been inside you, these abilities, interests, and knowledge. To take the intuitive path rather than ‘just’ the path of logic.
What to Do
If you feel this inner tension within in terms of your personal growth or trying to be in the world yet feel you are opening to intuitive experiences, know that the discomfort in this transformational shift is natural as you are waking up to a new way of living in the world.
Keep living intuitively—listening to your guidance, so you are directed to where YOU need to go: medicines, people, training, places, following your calling, and so on. Get the one-on-one support you might need to stay afloat or go deeper, or the guidance you need to understand your experiences—I see different practitioners who work on different levels with different techniques for different issues! Start to find your tribes—communities, training, individuals who speak your language and relate to your experiences so you can find solace.
No one is an island; we are intrinsically connected. We help to support and uplift each other. That’s how we evolve.
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