Here are some of the myths you may have come to believe about yourself as a highly sensitive person and why they’re not true…

You’re too sensitive 

Classically, highly sensitive people have heard ‘you’re too sensitive’ and ‘just grow a thicker skin’.  We cannot be left to feel like our sensitivity is a weakness, or a burden to others.  We can feel like we are broken due to our sensitivity, as every day events can impact us strongly leaving us feeling overwhelmed or anxious, if we don't take care of ourselves when others are fine.  

Granted, our sensitivity does need management and consideration as highly sensitive people.  Such as, we need to take our self-care seriously to allow us to decompress from day-to-day living as well as release the emotional trauma that may have occurred during past events.  We also may need to consider how we work and where we live for it to feel enhancing, not depleting.        

However, this is simply wisdom in action. Knowing how to care for ourselves in a meaningful way to be able to lead a meaningful life.  Once more basic needs are attended to, if we train our sensitivity, it really can be a superpower for us - leading to purposeful enriching careers, enhancing our emotional intelligence and empathic powers - deepening our relationships with others, helping us navigate difficult people with our intuitive awareness, connecting us to mystical and subtle realms… 

When we do the healing work, when we get to know ourselves really well, when we train our sensitivity, then we can begin to step into our power.  Allowing our sensitive nature to truly be a powerful force of good in the world.  You're not too sensitive, you're highly sensitive - and it's one of the gifts you have to offer the world. It’s time to perceive it as such. 

Further reading on the gifts of sensitivity: 

Five Intuitive super powers of highly sensitive people

Struggle to be successful

So, for the highly sensitive people among us, who might be struggling with overwhelm from day-to-day living, the thought of being successful in their career, might feel like a fiction.  I know for myself, simply working in an office each day drained me to the point of not being able to talk in the evenings - the noise of the telephones ringing, the distractions of people talking, the movement going on in the space, the strip lighting straining my eyes and so on.  

All I wanted to do was escape, the only way I thought I could cope was to work less.  I was in a continual state of overwhelm and my resilience was very low.  Once again, I kept wondering what was wrong with me, because other people around me seemed to be fine.  For me, it was so strong, I realised I needed to make a transition onto a new career path.  I wanted to be in a quiet and restful space doing something meaningful.  So I trained in Zen Shiatsu - this was when I began to train my sensitivity and learnt what I needed which included going deeper in my healing process, overcoming trauma symptoms which dramatically increased my resilience and energy levels. 

Being successful, and being highly sensitive are not mutually exclusive - just google, highly sensitive actors to see for yourself!  You’ll find Nicole Kidman amongst them. There are many high functioning, highly sensitive people in the world, with successful careers.  In fact, a high sensitivity can become one of our greatest assets, enhancing our skill set and can be the foundation of how we work. 

Highly sensitive people like to be doing meaningful work and our high sensitivity lends itself to excellence in many fields.  Our empathic nature can make us natural healers as we can have incredibly deep and satisfying connections with other people, our sensitivity to beauty can make some of us excel in the arts, we can feel deeply connected to nature and have strong connections with animals, so may flourish in this field.  Our intuitive nature can also be incredibly useful as entrepreneurs as we're able to read people well and follow intuitive hunches around projects.  Our sensitivity and personal interests can lead us to successful and purposeful careers. 

Further reading highly sensitive people and careers: 

Eight reasons empaths have late, blooming careers

The deep need for a sense of purpose and calling for HSPs 

You’re kind and understanding

It feels somewhat blasphemous to suggest that it’s a myth that you are kind and understanding as a highly sensitive person - of course you are, this is a key trait. However…your kindness as a HSP, and can mask your people pleasing tendencies. Sometimes we say yes to avoid conflict, submit to stay safe and it comes from a place of timidity, rather than because of an altruistic act of kindness. The intention behind what is presented can, at times, have a ‘shadow side’. 

For example, if you're someone, who feels unable to say no to requests and panic at the thought of upsetting someone, this may be a sign that your actions may be coming from a place of fear, not just understanding. You may have been told before, ‘you’re too kind for your own good’ for example or ‘you need to learn to say no!’ because actually there is a problem establishing healthy boundaries for yourself. 

For many highly sensitive people their home life may have been dominated by an unpredictable or threatening (emotionally or physically), caregiver at home - which can lead to their heightened sensitivity (as well as trauma symptoms). In this situation to survive, we can strengthen our empathetic and understanding muscles, to rationalise and tolerate what may be abusive behaviour, making excuses for others, as a way of coping. 

This, always looking ‘for the good or positive’, and perhaps consciously ignoring or denying the negative both in our external environment or our own responses, can be driven by survival. We can be taking on responsibility for others who are emotionally immature or abusive. In fact, for most of my clients once we start to resolve the fear behind the self denial of needs and the justification for others, in fact, they can find layers of anger or even rage that have been unsafe to express and are suppressed, that are ready to be resolved as they begin to develop healthy boundary setting. 

Further reading on shadow sides of being highly sensitive: 

Five Shadow sides of being an empath

You attract narcissists and energy vampires

‘I attract narcissists because I am an empath’ is a term I sometimes hear. However I beg to differ! Being an Empath, or HSP does not make you inherently a magnet for narcissists. Do you know what actually causes this… a lack of healthy boundaries, which is something many HSP’s often need to work on due to their empathic traits. 

The good news is healthy boundary setting can be learnt, I know because I've gone through this. Then, as if by magic - the narcissists begin to disappear should they be haunting you! If you are struggling with narcissistic characters in your life, this is often because it's an unhealed wound from childhood - perhaps you had a parent or caregiver with narcissistic traits. Underneath weak boundary setting, particularly with narcissists, can be many emotional responses born from childhood:

• Fear (or even terror) at causing upset or conflict so you say yes, or say nothing

• Guilt and shame at not doing what is demanded, wanting to be loved

• Confusion over of what is reasonable and fair to expect or ask for as your emotional needs are not met 

• Shocked and numbed by the emotional manipulation and feeling frozen, unable to respond

• Lack of self worth or feeling nothing you do is good enough

• Fear of rejection or being emotionally distanced if you say no, and so on. 

When narcissistic abuse is normal for you, you become the perfect puzzle piece to slot into tolerating this behaviour as you have learnt to survive it as a child. However, maladaptation may no longer be serving you in adulthood, which is when therapeutic support, trauma healing and boundary coaching can become important to create healthy change. 

Further reading on why highly sensitive people struggle with boundaries:

10 signs you struggle setting boundaries as a highly sensitive person

Four reasons why Highly Sensitive People ‘attract’ narcissists 

Lessons are learned as a highly sensitive person from friends with bad ass boundaries 

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