From People Pleaser to Intuitive Woman
How starting to quietly integrate the inner wild woman can overcome people-pleasing patterns
"Practice listening to your intuition, your inner voice; ask questions; be curious; see what you see; hear what you hear; and then act upon what you know to be true. These intuitive powers were given to your soul at birth." — Clarissa Pinkola Estés
When I first began my journey to listen to my intuition, it all started with a dream and the wild woman I kept locked in a closet.
I was navigating my second long-term relationship breakup, wondering how I'd once again found myself here—not listening to myself for so long. Reasoning all the ways I could make it work, listing every pro of why it was a good idea, while the whole time keeping my foot firmly pressed against the door, holding back a part of me that was shouting: This isn't right.
The voice was coming from that inner wild woman.
I didn't listen because I was terrified of her. She didn't care about being nice. She trusted her intuition. She wasn't to be 'reasoned' with. She could see straight through people, growling if she didn't like them. She was ready to cut her losses with one swing of an axe while I was clinging on for dear life, afraid of heartbreak. She was fierce, bold, primal, and instinctive.
She lives in all women. She is part of the collective psyche.
This aspect of self won't be part of everyone's intuitive development journey, but it was significant for me and is for some of my clients.
Living Small
I wasn't listening to her because I'd built my life around not rocking the boat.
I was living a beige existence—trying to be the perfect girlfriend, the perfect colleague, the perfect friend. Somewhere along the way, I'd lost touch with what I really wanted and how I really felt. The wild woman in the closet was the cost of all that perfection.
Then my boyfriend's mother suggested I read Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. I suspect she could see what I was doing. I loved it. It spoke directly to that aspect of myself I was struggling to deny and ignore: the wild woman I'd locked away.
She seemed so ferocious. I didn't know what she might do. She was banging and raging and pacing behind that door.
Eventually, I spoke to my boyfriend of five years and told him how I was feeling. We broke up that same day.
The Year of No
As I started to rebuild myself and my life, I decided I needed to do things differently. I would follow the wisdom of the book. I would start to listen, first and foremost, to my intuition.
I made a vow: from now on, my intuition called the shots. My first port of call for every decision, big and small, would be my intuition.
To do this, I knew I needed to let the wild woman out. She was the one who knew my relationships were over. She spoke to me in my dreams, cutting my long hair short—symbolizing the end, the dramatic new haircut that comes with a breakup.
So I opened the door and started to listen.
That's when The Year of No began.
What I learned as I followed my instinct was just how much I'd been overriding my inner no. No, I don't want to spend time with that person. No, I don't want to go to that gig. No, I don't want to be involved in that project. I started listening to the response of my intuition in my body, acknowledging my energy levels, acknowledging what I did and didn't want to do, and then taking action accordingly. My logic could not override anymore.
I gave myself permission to say no, which felt scary yet liberating.
The overstretching, the overriding myself, the talking myself into situations, events, or spending time with people—it had left me lost and confused about what I really wanted or needed. I just wasn't listening to the no.
This was what the wild part of me wanted me to learn: to hear my needs, my rhythms, and the no. To protect myself.
As soon as I started to listen, she calmed. She became an ally, not a part to be feared but a messenger. I'd been scared of her because I was wildly out of balance. I couldn't say no with ease.
When I did start to listen, she didn't tear the place down as I'd feared. I didn't need to dance naked and scream at the moon (although go for it if that's for you!). She taught me tough love, and I became wiser for it.
You're Not Alone
My story is far from unique.
If you're a people pleaser or highly sensitive person, you know exactly what I'm talking about. We're kind, well-meaning, sensitive to others. We don't want to hurt anyone or face conflict. We want harmony and pleasantness. So we develop a tendency to ignore and deny our own basic needs and wants, neglecting healthy boundaries.
I said yes even when my body screamed no because I'd forgotten how to listen. It led to burnout, resentment, dissatisfaction, and feeling utterly lost. Maybe you're there now.
Cue your wild self.
She might show up for you as rage. Or maybe the desire to throw something across the room and scream. She may be a growl you ignore as you smile at someone you deep down don't trust but won't admit it. She might express herself when you shake and dance wildly to Florence and the Machine. When you throw paint on a canvas. When you dive into the sea and meet the intense cold. When you wear all black and stomp in your docs.
She is living and breathing in you. She has wisdom, alive and well. We just have to come into relationship with her in our own way—to learn to safely and comfortably assert ourselves. For some of us, this needs the support of trauma therapy to get there properly.
It's an initiation process that will hit hard in your perimenopausal and menopausal years if you don't address it now.
She's Here to Help
Wild Woman is here to bring your intuition online. She's here to activate your boundaries and rebalance you.
It's common for people like us to live in denial of our seemingly more extreme parts—the indignation, the anger, the rage, the frustration. We don't want these feelings to exist because we want to be loving, kind, and harmonious (and perfect!).
But we are not perfect. We are human. Denying feelings doesn't mean they don't exist. We need to own all parts of ourselves to integrate them, to be in balance, to heal, and to have healthy boundaries.
The Balance
What's really happening is you're coming into balance by listening to her and the voice of your intuition. You're learning to listen to your inner resources, your needs, your energy, your boundaries.
Being in relationship with this part of yourself integrates a deep sense of knowing you can lean into and trust. A confidence that's less fantasy and more grounded, while staying in touch with the magic in the universe.
You track what and who you're reading effectively. You trust your intuition. You have confidence in what you know to be true in your gut. You become a powerful and formidable presence that others can trust. I see it in the women who embrace this aspect of themselves.
Living With Her Now
These days, I'm less aware of the wild woman. Why? Because I've integrated her.
Unless I meet a new person not to be trusted and she growls or gives a primal sniff. Or I hit a certain point in my cycle and haven't been listening to my limits, and she roars.
When you have boundaries, she doesn't need to scream and push—you're already doing it. If she does turn up, I know I've pushed a limit or overstepped a boundary, so I address it immediately. She's my warning system, and I trust her completely.
She is internal and universal. Part of the fierce feminine.
She is unapologetic, which is why we can trust her. She is knowing, felt, sometimes fierce. She sees in the dark and doesn't suffer fools. Once you start to listen and say no, she calms. She protects you.
She is a blessing. She is you.
Let her in. Stop apologising for taking up space. Listen when she growls. Honor the no that rises in your body.
Because the moment you do, you'll stop living small and start living true.
And that's when you become the woman who walks into a room and everyone feels it—not because you're loud, but because you're whole. Unapologetic. Wise. Powerful.
