Five Challenges of Motherhood as an Empath
Motherhood is a demanding and transformative journey for most but as an Empath some of these challenges may feel amplified due to your highly sensitive nature. Alongside that, our unhelpful tendencies as an empath can rear up clashing with the requirements of our role as a Mother. Here are a few issues you might encounter:
1. Isolation due to overwhelm
We are wired to know how our children feel, so we can respond and keep them safe but the problem is when you're an empath and you're also able to feel intensely what EVERYONE is feeling too. Sensing the feelings of others may register as feeling drained, exhausted, confused or overwhelmed, which can build whilst around people. When you become a mum, as an empath you may discover you reach maximum capacity compared to others more quickly and need to withdraw to regain your energy which can feel isolating. When you’re tired from parenting (lack of sleep, full on schedule, continually giving) your energy can be low and your boundaries thinner, so your environment hits you harder as you're depleted.
Solution
Do what works for you, you don't need to follow the crowd. A personal example: If going to ‘bounce and rhyme’ is your idea of exhausting empath overwhelm - the noise, lack of space, the emotional tension in the room from all the Mum's and babies - there's nothing wrong with you if it's too much for you and you don’t go, like I did! As lovely as the group is and as much as other people love it, it might not be for you. Instead, maybe see a close friend for a short period of time who feels nourishing to be with and will make a fuss of your child, making them feel special.
Where you can, get someone else (partner, friend, grand parent, babysitter),to do the activities that drain you (the party, the softplay, the noisy trampoline place). Your child still gets to do it, but you’re listening to your needs too. Listen to your body, listen to your needs, then give it to yourself - this is boundaries in action. Getting to knowing yourself well, what depletes you and what energises you, then managing and creating a life that supports you to be at your best for those around you too.
2. Low tolerance of intensity
As an empath the ‘volume’ of the world is turned up. We read what is subtle energetically as very loud, we therefore can have a lower threshold for intensity because the everyday can already feel heightened. Sensory experiences can feel strong, the light and sound, but also sensitivity to strong emotional conversations or conflicts or challenging life circumstances such as dealing with a death or other transitions such as dealing with the intensity of motherhood! It can therefore demand more energy to hold our experience because it's powerful or overpowering and demands our attention.
For example if my partner and I have an argument as pressures are high as we are tired or feeling the pressure that day, to my friends I can be visibly wiped out and it may take a day or two for me to recover even though we made up, as it just takes it out of me emotionally and physically. Or if my 3 year old daughter screams sometimes I can find it unbearable as it feels like the sound tears right through me and I just have to breathe through the intensity of it which is hard.
Solution
Don’t be in denial and pretend you're fine if you're not, know your triggers and give yourself time to recover. Being kind to yourself, allowing an internal witnessing and letting go of an experience (even if you do that slowly) - or Tapping through the remaining thoughts or emotions. For when we are honest about what is alive for us, we can aid our healing as well as emotional digestion or shifting out of shock. We will also be acting from a place of integrity, forming deeper connections with others and the world around us and breaking cycles of unhealthy or unwanted habits by being in dialogue within ourselves and without.
3. Lack of space, time and energy
Being a parent can be full on - the lack of space, rest, or time to by yourself, can feel immense at times when you're highly sensitive. As empaths naturally need more self-care time, it is essential to us and can be lacking when we become parents. This pressure can also contribute to unresolved emotional trauma pushing to the surface and needing to seek help, see more below.
Where before you may have had excess energy or time to be available for others, now you're over stretched and don't have that ability or capacity. When you don't have the same resources, your energy levels might collapse and create boundaries for you as your body just says no I can't give anymore. Sometimes this can have an impact on the dynamic of different relationships with friends, family or work creating tensions or necessary endings, see more below.
Solution
It can feel like a joke when you're a parent and someone tells you to rest or look after yourself, as where is the time huh?! But usually we can find some minor ways to get back some space or time, which will be harder or easier depending on the age of your children. Here’s some ideas for you from my life:
Drop non essential responsibilities where you can (not volunteering to run workshops or do more study), don't take on more than you need if you feel stretched (saying no to an allotment I was offered!), once a month have a babysitter to have a date night together, get help with the nursery run once a week so you’re not running around all the time, get up early to have some time alone, get to bed early to rest, ask a friend to come with you for a walk, working from home so you're not drained from commuting, screen time for my daughter when I’m done in etc.
How can you make small or reasonable adjustments in your timetable, even if only occasionally, that will give you back more time and energy or space…? Ask yourself when could I choose to rest but you don't allow yourself to…?
4. Parenting triggering unhealed wounds
Becoming a mother can be triggering, bringing your own unhealed emotional trauma or wounds to the fore which as an empath your sensitivity to what is arising may amplify this experience further. As your child enters a new stage and age, subconsciously you see yourself at that age, the somatic resonance can trigger feelings or memories to surface, and with them your own childhood traumas may resurface. Birth trauma can also contribute to triggering past unresolved experiences in the mind and body as well as the pressure of life. If trauma symptoms are arising (panic, overwhelm, heightened anxiety, fogginess - read more) this can be incredibly intense. The pressures of Motherhood can then demand that you undertake a deeper healing journey to be able to cope with life, all whilst looking after others. But like coal being compressed under immense pressure to become a diamond, you too can be transformed within the process.
Solution
Quite simply, get the help and support you need. Find a trauma specialist and a therapy that feels right for you to do the work. Do not try to do it alone.
5. New role revealing family dynamics
When a child is born a mother is born and you step into a new role in life which commands change, inwardly and outwardly. Your identity shifts, with it your perspective and boundaries.
You become a role model for your child, you’re their protector, your priorities change. You may find what was tolerable before or unseen in relational dynamics is now clearly visible and no longer acceptable as you step into your Motherhood so you redefine your boundaries.
You also may just not have the capacity or energy for certain behaviours anymore with your new responsibilities as a parent. Your people pleasing or appeasing habits are challenged as you need to look after your child instead of others as empaths often do. So with a new generation entering the world it can be incredibly revealing of unhealthy tensions and dynamics within families but also friendships or relationships which might be painful.
Solution
Growth and change even when it's ultimately what we want on one level, isn't usually comfortable or easy. Becoming a mother is an initiation into a new life and is transformative. It can ask us to grow. Sometimes an outside perspective or guidance from a trusted friend, mentor or therapist can help. Particularly if we are going through painful relationship (intimate or familial) breakdowns or having realisations about situations and need help changing dynamics. Don't think you are the only one or that you need to do it alone.
Remember sometimes the most challenging circumstances can end up being the turning points in our lives that bring about the deep change that we ultimately need for our highest good or become the making of us.
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