Intuitive Decisions: When You Ignore Your Gut and Marry the Wrong Person
I have a friend—we’ll call her Eve. She’s highly sensitive and “people-pleased” her way into a 10-year relationship and marriage that she knew from the first date wasn’t right. She couldn’t bring herself to express what her gut was telling her: No, this doesn’t feel right.
When they first met in a bar, she thought she felt a spark, so she agreed to a date. Being shy, this was exciting.
However, when they met up, she realized she didn’t feel a romantic connection with him—just friendship. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to say no.
So one date turned into several, which turned into a relationship. He really was her best friend. She would convince herself: This is what a relationship is—companionship, right? With your best friend. Yet for her, the X factor was missing. The spark wasn’t there.
Suddenly, one year became five years, and visa pressure hit. Hints of marriage kept coming up. Again, on the surface it was great—they got on really well and had a good time together—so she pushed down the niggle, took the hints, and when he proposed she said yes.
She would mentally convince herself: He is my companion, my best friend. He’s friends with my friends. My family likes him. All the time suppressing what her intuition knew and communicated with that sick feeling in her stomach: This isn’t right.
Even during the proposal, she felt uncomfortable. She told herself it was nerves.
After a big wedding and five more years, those feelings couldn’t be held down anymore.
Very suddenly one evening, she blurted it all out—that she wasn’t happy. To his shock and surprise, he asked: What was wrong? Was this something they could work on? She couldn’t even give him a real reason why. She was thinking: It just feels wrong. Something is missing. My body says no.
And that was it. Overnight she lost her husband and her best friend. They haven’t spoken or seen each other since, and she was left grieving and feeling guilty.
It’s kind of heartbreaking, isn’t it?
The Turning Point
She moved on with her life, had some hideous dating experiences for a few years, and eventually remarried.
If you were to ask her now why her, why this person is her husband, all she can say is: "He feels like home" and "It just feels right. It feels good." She finally listened and learned to know what he needed. It was that feeling which had been missing all along.
You're Not Alone
Eve isn't alone by far.
It's common, isn't it? Many of us stay in situations that "just don't feel right"—relationships, friendships, or careers. Can you relate?
What Happens When You Don't Listen to Your Intuition
When we ignore our gut, several things happen:
We make landmark life choices we regret because we didn't listen to and validate the "no, this isn't right."
We end up hurting people we love because we're not being honest with ourselves.
We waste time in situations that don't serve our highest good or express who we really are, which we regret later.
We compromise our growth and joy to make other people happy.
The pain we're trying to avoid—either for ourselves or others—can end up becoming worse as long-term attachments and connections are formed.
Learning to Listen
So what can we do? Sometimes it takes a big mistake to teach us to listen to ourselves and our intuition more quickly. I know it did for me.
When I made the decision to let my intuition lead, what I was choosing was to truly be honest with myself and others, which led to:
Having some hard conversations with family and friends about my boundaries
Embarrassing redos as I had to admit I didn't like something I had said I did
The courage to make a decision and then retract and change my mind
Taking scary leaps into the unknown with my career with everyone watching, saying, "What the hell are you doing?"
It takes courage to be honest with yourself and others, which is especially hard if you're highly sensitive and don't want to hurt people. But are you really avoiding hurt by not being honest? No. You're either hurting yourself or just kicking it down the road.
Your intuition will require you to be honest—simply to listen to it and then to take action. Many people will never do it and end up with deathbed regrets, the number one being:
"I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."
What Your Intuition Gives You
Your intuition is trying to lead you to your authentic self. So what does it give you when you start to listen?
The deepest relationships and connections you can encounter
The most fulfilling career you can explore
The uncovering of your gifts and your wisdom
Partners that bring out the best in you
The most expansive financial decisions you can make
You feel like you. You feel happier and more content.
Jung said, "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are."
Is that always easy? No, 100% not. Does it get easier? Yes, yes it does.
Because the more you listen and align yourself with your authentic self and take action, you transform your life into one that makes sense for you. The leaps can become less dramatic as you're already living in alignment with your highest self and have made the changes needed.
The Path Forward
Courage and intuition come hand in hand to lead us down the path to living authentically. Your intuition is your inner compass, your true navigator—but we have to learn to listen and not let overthinking talk us out of what we know.
For highly sensitive people especially, living a truly fulfilling life and being who we truly are can feel harder when we're trying to keep the world around us happy. This is why community support in that transition can be invaluable—having people who understand and encourage you to honor your truth, even when it's uncomfortable.
The journey isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Because on the other side of those hard conversations, those scary leaps, and those moments of courage is a life that actually feels like yours.
