3 Layers of Depression and how EFT can help
Depression is a multi-layered experience. Each layer contributes to your mood and experience of the world with its own origin, quality and intensity. Here are three that you might experience.
1. Early Lack of Connection
We are each wired for connection and love. We seek to feel loved, to feel safe and to flourish. When we don't receive that, we can feel diminished and cut off, developing a sense of isolation, or loneliness which is sad and depressing.
This can have many causes, for example; feeling shamed, criticised or chastised in subtle or overt ways, having an emotionally distant parent, feeling threatened or watchful of an unpredictable parent etc
Melancholy or low mood can start very young. Those moments when you...
Felt alone
Felt unseen
Felt unheard
Felt unloved or not liked
Felt a lack of connection
For me, for example, on my healing journey, memories of a sense of melancholy started as young as 4 years old. I don't remember the exact scene, what was said etc, but the feeling of sadness, feeling shamed, shut down, unheard and isolated arises - a seemingly insignificant moment where I was told off by a parent.
If, like me, you're highly sensitive, this can have a strong impact on you, particularly if shaming is used as a regular method of controlling your behaviour through fear.
So what can you do about it?
These moments can be Tapped on, even just the unclear felt sense of a memory in your body, to shift the imprint of the emotion from that moment that became stuck in the body-mind memory.
In doing so you liberate yourself, releasing the heaviness or sadness and move towards a natural lightness of being.
2. Self blame, Shame and Self Hatred
When we have lived in challenging, depressing or frustrating situations for sustained periods, the unexpressed anger that rises up due to feeling stuck and unhappy can turn inwards. You may also begin to internalise the critical external voices in our lives which will contribute to feeling low.
You may blame or hate yourself, feeling like you are the problem and you’re getting it wrong. As no matter what you do, how many times you try, nothing changes - it's not good enough (for your parent/s, teacher etc), they’re not happy, it’s still not right, still nothing changes for the better, it’s useless, it’s still crap... etc. This may then develop into negative self-talk.
Some examples of your internal negative self-talk might be:
I hate myself
No one likes me
I'm stupid
Nothing I do is right
Nothing I do is good enough
I’m a loser
This self loathing or hatred, on whatever scale or frequency, contributes to depression, and it can be exhausting, as well as blocking in terms of ambitions or relationships. Believing in the negative self-talk can also lead to isolation due to the shame it creates and the belief that you're not lovable.
So what can you do about it?
Well, firstly notice what your personal negative self-talk voices are saying, what phrases do you often hear? When that voice arises, ask yourself:
Where did I learn this from?
When did this start?
Who has made me feel like this in the past?
What situations in the past made me feel like this?
Then reflect on this. Notice what / who comes to mind, what situation or event pops into your head. This then gives you information and material to work with EFT using the movie technique.
If it brings up strong memories or emotions it's likely you'll need support to hold it and clear it, to break a pattern - but give it a try for yourself and see what comes up.
These negative self-talk voices are not something that you need to live with, but it is a message that healing is needed. Doing this work will help you to change your perspective and how you feel about yourself.
3. Despair and Hopelessness
Feelings of hopelessness and despair can arise during intense periods of depression. The despair feels so dark there is no light to lift you. Internally your world is crashing in; you may feel heavy, drained and exhausted. Any effort feels pointless and you hate yourself for being in this place.
You have no energy or interest to do even the basics of your routine; no desire to feed yourself, no energy to get out of bed or have a shower. You have no idea how you're gonna get through the day. The intensity of living minute to minute may feel impossible. You may have suicidal thoughts or suicidal ideation.
This is when you really need help. This is when you're in crisis.
These intense depressive episodes, in my view, are part of the body-mind trauma response. Trauma response can be created by ANY situation in the past where you felt fearful, stuck, overwhelmed, shocked or alone.
This can be caused by everyday events - parents arguing, a threatening parent for example, that leaves you feeling overwhelmed, or helpless etc, and the heightened emotional intensity of that experience or relationship remains unprocessed in your subconscious / body-mind so resurfaces.
What do you do?
Simply, when working with emotionally intense or traumatic material you need support of an EFT therapist to do this safely without retraumatization, don’t try to do it alone.
When stuck, heightened emotions are processed and cleared through Tapping the mental, emotional and physical responses. Eventually no more intense depressive episodes will occur as the cause has been solved.
Get in touch if you need this support or find a therapist who can help you.
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